So today I turn 60. And even with all the horrors going on right now–a lethal virus allowed to run rampant by a reckless leader, the rise of an authoritarian regime bent on destroying democracy, millions of citizens on the brink of economic ruin, and racism, sexism and xenophobia run amok–I’m still superficial enough to be a little creeped out about having a milestone birthday.

I always imagined 60 as the portal through which middle-aged people traveled to arrived at official old age. Now that I’m stepping through the threshold myself, I find myself shrieking: “Noooo, not me, not yet! I’m not ready to be old!”

And sure, aging is natural and 100{967bf23b37ec6a673a83041540b3f904a815b4119ddf673afb961c1e7592ebdd} organic, just like dying. I should embrace the whole life-cycle, right? Not just the younger, firmer, prettier parts. Because, um… wisdom? Perspective? Getting to shop at the grocery store at 6 am if you want, before the younger less-vulnerable people buy up all the toilet paper?

Nah, I’m still grumpy about it. On the plus side, it’s mainly the number that’s bothering me, not any meaningful physical limitations.  They’ll be heading my way soon enough. But for now, except for the gray hair, wrinkles, and having to scroll through drop-down menus for twenty minutes to find my birth year when I fill out online forms, this aging thing has been a pretty benign process.

But on approaching the big Six-Oh, it seemed a good deadline for addressing some Unfinished Business.  Like: Cranky Fitness, this blog with the wonderful readers who have meant so much me, has been sitting out here for a couple years all by iteslf, still on-duty, looking all awkward and expectant.

There was a time when I thought what Cranky Fitness was waiting for was for Crabby McSlacker to get her act together and come back and post some things in it! But no, it seems the poor thing just wanted someone to officially relieve it of duty. To let it go home and sit on the couch, eating nachos and watching reruns of the Great British Baking Show. Or whatever it is blogs do when they age out and go home.

Nah, still very much in this universe, though the Lobster and I have been traveling quite a bit, trying to avoid our country’s toxic little corner of it.

And I know, how horribly obnoxious of me, to mention recent travel adventures during such  wrenching times. But both things are true: I am an asshole, and we had a blast doing spending the winter of 2018 in Spain, and this past winter in Mexico and South America. I will spare you the approximately 3,000 photos.

Well, maybe one, to prove I’m not just making shit up. Iguazu falls, definitely worth a visit.

Or okay, maybe one more photo, because though I may be 60 years old chronologically, I still have the maturity of an 11 year old:

Anyway, after hunkering down in various airbnb’s for a few months, finally learning not to flush the toilet paper,  we hopped aboard–you guessed it, a cruise ship. Might not have been the wisest move in a pandemic, you think?

In our defense, the virus hadn’t hit South America when we departed, no one was cancelling anything yet, and they screened passengers to eliminate those who’d been to Italy or China, the only problem areas at the time.

But holy crap did we get lucky.  As ports throught the world shut down, they extended our voyage and delivered us safely to Miami instead of Lima, Peru, as originally planned. Practically all the other cruise ships at sea during that time came back with contagion aboard, but somehow the trusty Azamara Pursuit was spared. Note to self: no more cruising during plagues!

 Don’t do it Crabby!

Does Crabby Still Eat Healthy and Exercise?

Yeah, pretty much. Though there will always be Giant Beers and other strategically timed treats. I’m a little less obsessive than I used to be, but, I’m still basically doing the healthy living thing.

I’ve lost my unassisted pull-ups, alas, but I’m trying to hang on to a few other (totally arbitrary) benchmarks. For some reason I’ve decided that if I can still run 5 miles, do 20 ‘men’s’ push-ups, hold a plank for two minutes, and open the occasional stubborn pickle jar, then I’m hanging in there. I still enjoy cardio, if I’ve got tunes, and still hate weights with a loathing that defies description.

Is Crabby Doing Anything  Productive These Days?

Absolutely not! The Lobster and I are enjoying retirement. Hers is well-deserved and mine is not.

I have some writing projects in the works, but who knows if they will ever come to fruition? And I’m still trying and failing to learn to speak Spanish. Deséenme suerte, voy a necesitarlo!

Any Final Words of Advice?

About health and fitness? Not really, I’ve said it all a million times before.  Make smart choices about eating and exercise and lifestyle, expect to fail as often as you succeed, and keep going anyway. Take good care of yourself! You probably already know how. Just know you are an important enough person to be worth all the insane effort it takes in a society full of ridiculous obstacles, temptations and distractions.

Meanwhile, in addition to our own personal health, we are now faced with huge threats to our collective welfare. Our country is under seige, led by a malignant and maltempered infant beholden to an unholy alliance of racists and greedy unprincipled corporations. (Note: not ALL corporations are greedy and evil, many aren’t! But our increasingly unfettered version of capitalism is leading to all kinds of horrendous abuses.)

As we’ve seen, those in power will do whatever they can, legal or illegal, to hang onto it. Including trying to suppress your vote.The majority of people in this country want things to change, but will that even make a difference? I’ve never seen anything this bad in my life, and I am now officially OLD so I get to be all hyperbolic about it!

It is not a time for complacency. Do whatever you can to bring back democracy and a healthy sane society, which at a minimum means vote.

Unless… you have been hiding from reality in a bubble of comforting lies brought to you by Fox News and your carefully cultivated social media feeds and are thinking of voting Republican. If this is you then please start doing some independent research. Listen to that little voice inside you that must be questioning why so often all the scientists, respected institutions, news sources, leaders, even military advisers, are saying one thing and Trump and/or Fox is saying something else. We are now the #1 laughingstock of the entire world, yay for so much winning!

Um, Crabby That Post Title…Do You Not Have Any Clue What the Word Penultimate Means?

Actually, yes I do! Many seem to think Penultimate means some sort of Super-Ultimate kind of Ultimate.

But no, penultimate just means second-to-last. Implying that at some point in the future, there will be one more post at Cranky Fitness, which I’m hoping will point you to somewhere you can find me writing again! Should you be masochistic enough to want to do that.

And Now I’d Like to Propose a Toast or Two or,  Let’s See… Four.

Here’s to all the wonderful readers and contributers to this blog, now well-dispersed and unlikely to find their way back to be properly thanked, but always here in my heart!

Seriously, just being back here in this virtual space has made me tremendously nostalgic and grateful for the community I found here.

Here’s to al the people out there who are actively fighting to save lives, address suffering, and make the world a better place!

Even small efforts should not go unsung, and many are now risking their own lives for their communities.

Here’s to a quick end to this horrible pandemic and sensible behavior until that happens!

Despite the denial going on in so many quarters, coronavirus is still a thing, and will keep spreading and killing people. So let’s contain and eliminate the little fucker already!

And finally, here’s to a return to compassion, sanity, non-violence, tolerance and democracy.

We can make it happen. We have to make it happen.

So if anyone’s still out there: how are you doing? Whatcha been up to the last couple years?