Today was a mixed bag. Mostly good, but with a little Grrrr tossed in. I felt pretty motivated when I got up this morning, and that stuck with me most of the day. I had Kashi for breakfast, fruit for snacks. Lunch went a tiny bit sideways, I was on the road and stopped in a cafe for a sandwich. I ordered a chicken breast sandwich, which came with avocado, tomato and cucumber (I had them leave off the aioli and cheese). It was served with a side salad, which I had without dressing. BUT, the sandwich was served on a croissant. I did my routine of only eating half the bread, but OMG, the croissant was so yummy and smelled like buttery goodness. I should’ve tossed the top half of the bread as soon as I got my sandwich. I think you know what happened. I ate my sandwich but then the other half…I eventually had that too.

But (said in a high-pitched voice), I tracked it and moved on, still feeling pretty good about myself. After work I went straight to the gym. I was actually looking forward to going. I knew it would feel good to run and I wanted to feel good. I ran a 4.6 mile loop from my gym, one that includes a hill, and that I ran a few weeks ago, when I was just getting back on the running wagon. Here are today’s splits. Mile 3 is obviously the hill. (GAP is Grade Adjusted Pace, which estimates equivalent pace if I’d been running on flat land).

And here’s a comparison from when I ran it a few weeks ago.

Isn’t that cool? From an 11:35 pace to today’s 10:33 pace. It’s amazing how much I’ve improved already. The other neat thing is when I ran it in January my average heart rate was 154 beats per minute and today’s was 148, so faster but not working as hard. Cool stuff.

Dinner was a great choice. A Morningstar Farms Spicy Black Bean Veggie Burger, over arugula with pico de gallo and spicy green salsa.

Dinner

But something happened earlier today that made me mad and it was still with me. I was irritated, frustrated, all that stuff. AND, my mom came over tonight to see the kids and brought a box of these little mini-birthday swirl ice cream cones. 

At least they are “mini”

So after the kids are in bed I had one. I knew I was eating it almost out of spite toward the person I was angry with, like some kind of “I”ll show you…”. I know, it makes NO sense. Reminds me of the saying, “holding on to anger is like holding a burning coal with the intent to throw it at someone.”

After eating it, I started wracking my brain as to how I was going to deal with the other seven that were still in my freezer. Because despite the fact it didn’t taste spectacular, I wanted to eat more of them. And then I realized, they have to go. So before I could change my mind, I opened all seven and shoved them down the garbage disposal. Whew! Crisis averted.

Later when I tracked it and saw that the “mini” cone was 7 points, boy was I glad they are gone. Which reminds me, I need to talk with my mom about bringing stuff like this over, especially on a weeknight. The kids don’t eat stuff like this generally and I get that she’s grandma, but really. I mean really, right? I know my eating choices are my responsibility but it’s not great for them either to be having this junk, especially during the week when they usually have fruit after dinner.

Ok, so four paragraphs about an ice cream cone. But you know what? That’s how it is sometimes. This eating thing is complicated, and I believe, for me anyway, I need to understand all the complexity behind what happens, how I arrive at my behaviors, to understand how to change them.   

Back to the anger…I’m still irritated but I’m thankful that’s the extent of it. I got mad earlier today, and I used it as an excuse to make a non-goal-oriented choice…but I stopped it there. Now at least I only have the anger bugging me and not guilt/regret/frustration over having eaten 3-4 of those damn cones.