It all started when I had COVID in September. When I say “it”, I’m just referring to a series of little events that added up to where I am this morning. I wish I had been writing about this all along because it would be easier to keep up, but here goes…

In September, I got a headache. I’d quit drinking coffee the day before, so I assumed it was due to the caffeine withdrawal (my caffeine withdrawal headaches are terrible and I always vow never to get hooked on coffee again, then I do). The next day, my throat felt like it was squeezing shut. This is very common because of my generalized anxiety.

The following day, my headache was still persistent but my throat had gotten much worse–it was to the point that I *knew* I was getting sick. The telltale sign for me is always a sore throat. Sure enough, I got more symptoms and was down and out for a few days. It wasn’t terrible, but definitely not fun. The worst part was my persistent headache and throat that just felt like I was being strangled.

I had been taking a decongestant around the clock with COVID so that I wouldn’t get a sinus infection. I was happy that I never did–but my sinuses felt totally dry and I assumed that’s what was causing my headache.

The headache actually started to get even worse. It wasn’t excruciating or migraine-like, but it was there, non-stop, 24/7. I started taking more and more ibuprofen, 800 mg at a time, and it was barely touching it. I couldn’t sleep. I got really moody because the headache was so persistent and I just wanted a break. I compare it to having a conversation with an adult and your young child keeps tugging on your pants saying “Mama, mama” trying to get your attention the whole time and you just don’t want to interrupt the conversation.

Soon my whole face was hurting, particularly my jaw, my temples, forehead, and behind my eyes. After a couple of weeks, I knew it couldn’t be the caffeine. COVID was long gone. My jaw was hurting so badly that I decided to go to the dentist. I’d been avoiding the dentist ever since Eli had oral surgery last December and woke up in the middle of it, feeling every single thing the oral surgeon was doing to remove his impacted wisdom teeth.

When I’d been sick, I was eating popsicles around the clock because they helped my throat. And the teeth on the right side of my face were SO sensitive to the cold. This wasn’t totally new, and the dentist knew about it but couldn’t find a problem, so I’d just been using toothpaste for sensitive teeth (Tom’s actually works pretty well for that!). 

Anyway, I had a nagging feeling that I had a bad tooth or something. The hygienist took x-rays and said she didn’t see anything on the x-rays, but it’s possible I had a hairline fracture or something (which sounded terrible to me). And sure enough, upon inspection, she noticed a very small crack in my (#31) molar (the one farthest back on the lower right side).

The dentist said he could put a crown on it, but referred me to an endodontist because he said I should be evaluated to see if I need a root canal first. I had a root canal and crown in 2016 and I was terrified to ever have to get another crown (honestly, the root canal was easier than the crown). He said since I was having a lot of pain, there was a good chance I’d need the root canal–otherwise, I might still have pain with the crown.

I wanted to do nothing. Pretend that I never went to the dentist. Pretend that my tooth was fine. How did I chew ice for like 15 years and never get a crack, then quit a year and a half ago and my tooth gets fractured? While I don’t grind my teeth, I do clench my jaw a lot when my anxiety is bad, which could be the cause. But the dentist said if I did nothing it would likely get infected, possibly causing an abscess and a much bigger problem than a root canal and crown.

As much as I wanted to ignore the problem, my constant headache was so bad at that point that I just made the appointment with the endodontist and hoped I at least wouldn’t need a root canal. After having a severely broken jaw in 2010 (the surgeon said it was the worst broken jaw he’d ever seen), needing two reconstructive surgeries, and having my jaws wired shut for six weeks, you would think that maybe my bad luck with my teeth was over. But that would be too easy! It caused a dental phobia, and I always dread going to the dentist.

Anyway, the endodontist was SO kind. After taking more x-rays and examining my tooth, he told me the worst news yet… he said that he was pretty sure that he wouldn’t be able to save my tooth at all. He said that if I wanted, he could start the root canal and try to save the tooth, but from his experience he didn’t think it would work. He recommended extracting the tooth altogether.

The thought of it made me feel sick and I (embarrassingly) cried a little when he told me. Not only am I scared of any sort of dental work, I am now also scared of twilight sedation (which is what Eli had). I knew there was no way I could endure the extraction without the sedation though. He gave me a referral to an oral surgeon… and when I looked at it, it was the same surgeon Eli had had. I said there was absolutely no way I was seeing him, so he referred me to a different one.

Since the endodontist didn’t think he could save my tooth I didn’t want him to try, only to get halfway through a root canal before needing it extracted anyway. I wanted the least amount of procedures possible. So I called the oral surgeon and made an appointment for a consult, requesting IV sedation. I know people get extractions without sedation, but there was no way I could make it through that.

The oral surgeon was reassuring, especially when he took a panoramic x-ray and saw the plates in my jaw and learned how bad my dental phobia was. He was actually very surprised that I was never sedated when I got the arch bars removed (the metal things that held my jaw shut for six weeks) because it’s such a painful procedure. (I compare it to flossing with wire as thick as a paperclip.) I told him about Eli and he assured me that he’s never had that happen to a patient before.

He also gave me more bad news. He explained that he highly recommended an implant where I’d be missing a tooth–not for cosmetic reasons, but because my jaw bone could start to degrade and cause a whole host of problems with my other teeth.

At this point, I was just so overwhelmed with all that was happening. It all started with a headache, and now I needed a tooth extracted and implant to replace it, followed by a crown? I asked a ton of questions about the procedure and if he could do it at the same time as the extraction (if I was already going to be sedated, I’d rather get it done in one procedure instead of two) and he said yes–it’ll only take another 10-15 minutes.

My headache was still 24/7 (I’m not exaggerating when I say that) and I was desperate for relief. I made the appointment for the (very expensive) dental procedure. And in about three hours from now, I’ll be getting IV sedation, having a tooth extracted and replaced with an implant. It has to heal for three months, and then I’ll have to get a crown.

My anxiety is through the roof right now. I know this may sound like no big deal to most people, and why am I so worried about a stupid dental procedure? Most people haven’t experienced a broken jaw I have and I feel like my fear is legit. But I will do anything to get rid of this headache. I’ve had to eat on the left side of my mouth for two months (which feels very unnatural) and avoid anything cold. I’ve been stress-eating and have gained 12(!) pounds in two months. I just want to get this over with and hopefully get back to normal.

Soooo, that’s where I am at right now. I hope the next time I write, it’ll be without a headache and the extraction and implant will have been uneventful and boring. Here goes nothing…