I’m alive! I had absolutely no intention of taking a blog break, especially one so long, but the time flew by. I’m not even sure where to start catching up, although there really isn’t much to catch up on.

I almost decided to just wait until tomorrow to get back to writing, simply because I do not want to do a weigh-in today. I keep reminding myself that I don’t “owe” a weigh-in on my blog, but I still feel guilty for not doing it. I haven’t avoided the scale like this in a long time! (Avoiding the scale is usually a slippery slope for me.)

I feel exactly like I did last year when I gained weight so quickly. I’d been ridiculously overwhelmed emotionally, and when I felt like things may be looking back up, it was like I had this sense of relief and suddenly my appetite skyrocketed. I hadn’t realized how low my appetite had been in the late summer/early fall until it snapped back so quickly.

After what Jerry calls “the worst year of our lives” (referring to the long series of mini-disasters/events that we’ve dealt with), things are starting to look up. I am very afraid of jinxing it, so I won’t get into detail until everything goes as promised, but Jerry got some very good news at work about his work schedule–as we’ve mentioned, he’s been trying to get a day shift for a while now–and what they’ve promised him is better than he’d even hoped. But I’m not considering it done until it happens, which is supposed to be in mid-December.

Paying off the car and house last month was a huge relief–debt, even a mortgage, always leaves that tiny nagging feeling somewhere inside of unfinished business. (At least it does for me.) Even though it came at the price of my car (literally), it’s been worth it! When I have errands to run or places to go, I just plan them for when Jerry is either home sleeping or off work.

We’ve looked into getting another vehicle, but right now is the worst time ever to buy a car. The interest rates alone are FIVE TIMES higher than they were for when we bought my car in 2020! So, until interest rates go down, we’re going to continue to make do with one car between Jerry and me.

Anyway, the point is that I’ve felt so much RELIEF recently. Aside from the fact that our furnace completely quit working a couple of days ago (*sigh*), we haven’t had disasters since the flood. Jerry has been feeling this sense of relief, too, and it’s been so nice for both of us.

Except… we’ve been eating terribly. Both of us. It’s almost like we’ve been treating the last couple of weeks like a vacation, hahaha. You know that feeling of going on vacation and all of the usual food habits/rules don’t apply? That’s how we’ve been acting. (I’m still eating vegan, but vegan doesn’t mean healthy–that’s for sure.) And I know that my weight is going up, even without looking at the scale. I can see it in the mirror, I can feel it in my clothes, and I definitely feel it when I move my body.

Yesterday, Jerry and I talked about how our eating habits have gotten really slack and we both feel ready to get back on track. It’s only fun for so long; and this “vacation” has to end before we both gain 50 pounds. The funny thing is, we aren’t harping on it at all. Yes, I wish I’d been making better choices for sure–but I also don’t feel self-hatred or anything for being rather reckless recently. Getting through the last year without gaining 50 pounds is an accomplishment in itself.

The hardest part right now is just recognizing that I’m not “too far gone” and the dietary damage can be minimized. It’s amazing how quickly our taste buds can change, though. The healthy food I’d gotten so used to eating doesn’t have the same appeal that it did a few weeks ago. I also started craving junk foods that I hadn’t even thought of for at least a year or more.

Thankfully, just as taste buds can change for the worse, they can also change for the better. After a few weeks (or maybe less) of eating healthy again, I’ll start to enjoy it just as much as before; and the cravings I’ve developed will go away.

Through all of it, though, I’ve managed to continue my daily running habit. It’s been 75 days and I’ve run around the block (sometimes two blocks) every morning, before I do anything else. There are days (most days, probably) that I think for a moment (in a whiny voice), “I don’t want to run today!” but then I remind myself that it’s literally one block–I can pretty much see my house during the entire 0.4 miles–so my brief “I don’t want to” thought is dismissed right away.

I think I got overzealous with adding more habits in October, however, so I’d like to go back to the basics. I can pick ONE new habit to work on each month, otherwise I get forgetful/overwhelmed trying to make too many changes at the same time.

I feel like the running habit is fully ingrained now, and while I’ve already been pretty good about this, I’d like to work on making stretching a major daily habit like the running is. I was trying to make it a habit to stretch before bed, but found that to be inconvenient during my evening routine; I am much more likely to do it if I do it in the afternoon. And it’s not that I dislike it! I always feel good afterward. And I definitely think it’s been making a difference in the flexibility/stiffness in my back.

I’d been working on doing three stretches for 30 seconds each, but I found myself always doing it longer. So now I’m going plan to do four stretches for a daily habit; I’ll likely do more than I plan, but like running, I’m keeping the goal very low in order to make it a daily habit.

Also, in order to work on making it a habit, I’m going to plan to do it at 1:45 every afternoon. I don’t have an afternoon routine in order to stack habits like I do in the mornings and evenings, but usually, 1:30-2:00 is a regularly convenient time during the day. I’ll see how that works and reassess if doing it at a particular time isn’t working out.

Okay, this post was kind of all over the place, but that’s what I get for taking a week off of blogging. In a nutshell: I’ve not been doing well lately with my diet but, mentally, I feel better than I have in a long time. Still, I want to get back to eating/behaving how I feel best. This week I am going to face the scale and work from there.

I did meal planning today, and considering that our furnace is broken right now, I’ve included a lot of soup. That’s usually an easy thing to throw in the crockpot, so I think that will help with healthy dinners this week. I’m going to focus on getting in a lot of fiber; something I’ve been lacking recently. Adding beans to soup is the easiest way to get in a ton of fiber!