The whining begins as soon as you enter the store. When you ask Alex to put the table at home, they’ll say, “Moooooom! Why can’t I buy the new LEGO Star Wars game?” “But Moooo-oom…I’m tired!”
Sigh. It’s probably time to give Alex an allowance. What better way to make Alex do his chores than to let him purchase his own video game?
It would be so easy if it was. We want to motivate our children, but tying an allowance to chores does the opposite. When we focus on the reward for the task rather than what the child has done to help the family, it reinforces. Instead of encouraging our child to perform a task for its intrinsic worth, we teach them to question, “What’s it in it for me?”
Daniel Pink, the author of the New York Times bestseller Drive: The Surprising Fact About What Motivates Us, says that paying children to do chores “…sends a clear message (and one that is clearly wrongheaded). In the absence a payment, a child of any self-respect would not willingly empty the trash, make their bed, or set the table. …. It turns a family and moral obligation into a commercial transaction. And it teaches the idea that doing a less than desirable task for your loved ones is only worth paying for.”
What’s a parent supposed to do? We can make the task of throwing out the trash a lot less stressful. Allowance can be a good way to teach kids about money management and financial responsibility. There are many questions about how to begin allowance and when to start it.
Start by discussing “Family Contributions”.
Get rid of “chore”. The word “chore,” which conjures images of Cinderella cleaning the castle floor, will remind our children that they are important in keeping the house running smoothly.
Emma’s new perspective on the laundry task may not make her jump with joy, but it gives her a sense of importance and belonging in the family.
Enjoy the win-win arrangement that is an allowance
Your kids will feel more mature when they have their income. They will also learn about the importance of making good decisions and the negative consequences of bad choices.
The allowance mustn’t depend on family contributions, good grades, or winning the big match. Use this time to teach your children about budgeting, saving, and charitable giving.
Set Boundaries
Set limits on the amount of the weekly allowance and how it can be used. You should give an amount that is age-appropriate and not too comfortable. You’re not doing anything if Alex is allowed to buy any video game that he wants.
Please choose an amount that will cover his expenses, such as iTunes and app purchases, toys, entertainment, and toys, but also allow him to save up for the game he wants. The concept of delayed satisfaction will also be taught to him.
Consider increasing the amount of allowance your child receives each week or every month as they get older. However, you should also increase the number of items that are expected. Budgeting a monthly allowance can teach a tween important life lessons. She can use it to pay for lunch money, clothes, apps, etc. She will learn the consequences of bad budgeting if she spends her entire allowance in the first few days.
We can teach more valuable lessons by separating family contributions and allowances while still implementing them. Who would have thought intrinsic motivation and financial responsibility could start with just a few loads of laundry and $10 per week?
Final Thoughts
I understand how hard it can be for parents to motivate their children. When given in exchange for chores, allowance is the equivalent of a reward. We know from research and our own experience that tips don’t work as a long-term strategy.
We know that you may have other parenting issues. We are here to help you if you struggle with backtalk, bedtime rituals, or mealtime.
It is possible to raise children who are confident, capable, and respectful. I have helped thousands of families find peace at home. You can do the same!
As always, we wish you all the best in your parenting journey!
